Foliotek Blog

How to Transform Ugly

So you’ve written your ID page introduction, and now you’re questioning whether or not it’s got what it takes to grab an employer’s attention. Perhaps you know your intro doesn’t make the cut, but you don’t know what to do next. If you can’t just sit down and write a super-awesome introduction from the beginning (like most of us!), write out what you can to start. Then read on to see how to take an introduction that is just downright ugly and transform it into something amazing.

Version 01. Let’s start with the ugly.

I am going to be an Architectural Engineer. I like colors and design. I am good at math. I travel a lot.

This ID Introduction has zero hook, but instead starts with a thesis. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but the writer doesn’t elaborate other than stating characteristics of liking “colors and design” and being “good at math.” The sentences aren’t cohesive and don’t contribute to the whole. Although the introduction is simple, it is too simple and lacks any interest.

Helpful Hint: If your ID intro is currently ugly, the first step is to add in a little more information and sprinkle with detail.

Version 02. A bit better.

When I was little, I had a burnt pumpkin brick house. I told my mom that’s what it was. I like colors and design and see them everywhere I go. I’m excited to build new things all over the country.

While this introduction is better, it still isn’t very good. It has a short hook by beginning to tell the story, but this story is incomplete. Why is it important to know that the writer had a burnt pumpkin brick house? What is the relevance of this information and why do we need to know she told her mom this information? We can infer that the child told their mother the house color, but is it because her mother always burned pumpkin bread? There is no context to the information. A lot of people like colors and design, so why does this information set the writer apart? So she sees it wherever she goes … and? We are happy that she is excited about building, but why? What is she building? Why does she want to do this? Not only does this introduction leave the reader (or employer!) with a lot of questions, but it gives no thesis. We can only imagine what she wants to do with her life, but in an ID Introduction, we want to be straight forward.

Helpful Hint: To make your ID Intro great, tie it all together. Explain the hook and how it relates to your characteristics and thesis.

Version 03. Just right.

I first noticed that my childhood home was made of brick when I was five years old. At six, I told my mother that our house was Burnt Pumpkin Brick and not Red Brick. Since then, I have noticed details in color, line, and design everywhere I go. My attention to detail, passion for modern architecture, and desire to bring life to towns through design resonates deep. I am a future Architectural Engineer.

This ID Introduction has a hook that tells a story. The story isn’t random or irrelevant because it ties into the details this person was able to recognize at such a young age. The writer goes on to explain an admirable characteristic: her attention to detail. She explains that this attention to detail gives her a passion to create amazing architecture wherever she goes. She closes with a simple but straight forward goal: that she is going to be an architectural engineer. Her ID Intro is 404 characters. Could it be longer? Yes. Does it have to be? No. She gives us all of the components of a good introduction and doesn’t add any unnecessary ‘fluff’ in order to take up the whole page.
Hannah Stone Online Identity http://www.foliotek.me/hannahstone

Congratulations! You now know what it takes to write a good ID Introduction and how to transform your ugly introduction into a solid one. Want some more help?